On Trust
If you’re not into reading about my life drama, you may want to skip this post …
Well, I think it’s safe to say I have trust issues stemming from my recent separation from Nicole (and honestly, who could blame me). I keep telling myself it’ll be ok and I can just get over it, but I can’t. Moving on, as they say, should be done with time, and I’m worried that by rushing my moving on, I’ve fucked up the relations with the person I care about and seems to care about me in a more than being a friend way. I mean, if I can’t trust the one close to me and I truly care about, then what hope is there for anything between us in the future, or for my relationships with anyone in the future? I try, but my paranoia about being hurt or neglected gets the best of me and I wind up doing stupid things, like checking her accounts and being jumpy whenever she talks to other guys. While some comes from her past, the paranoia is all me. That isn’t me, it never has been, so why did I shift so quickly? Have I truly changed because of what happened with Nicole? Will I ever truly trust someone and let them be close to me again? I just don’t know the answers to these questions yet, but I hope I haven’t fucked things up too much with those around me now that things can’t be fixed.